"Come in" he said, holding the door open for her.

"Thanks Matt. I'd like you to meet my friend Jenny. I hope you don't mind that I brought her along too?"

"Not a problem. Let me get your coats" he said, welcoming them in.

Matt tried to talk to her all he could, and gave them a tour of the house. He didn't want to seem like he was coming on too strong, so he went to talk to other guests, but he gave Jessica as much attention as he thought he could get away with. He was saddened to see her go when the other guests started to drift away, and only then did he begin to drink. He had wanted to impress her, and didn't want alcohol to get in the way. He had needed his head straight. But now he could relax.

* * *

Over the next few weeks, Jessica seemed a little more open to conversations, and he spent more time with her. They had lunch together a few times, or he joined her group of new friends from work for a coffee break once. He decided to try for something more now.

When they finally had a moment alone, he got down to business.

"Jessica, I remember how you said you liked classical music. I happen to have two tickets to see the symphony on Saturday, but my friend Brad can't make it. Would you like to join me? I'd hate to have it go to waste, and so few people like classical music these days."

"Why that is very sweet of you Matt. Sure, I'll go. They're playing Beethoven's Ninth, and I was thinking of going myself."

"Great, its settled then. Do you want me to pick you up? Or would you rather meet at Orchestra Hall?"

"Parking is so bad downtown. Why don't you pick me up?" she said.

Matt smiled. It was going perfectly. Of course, Brad had never planned on coming along. It was just his excuse to be able to ask her out, but without asking for a date.

* * *

On Saturday, Matt drove to Jessica's condo and knocked on the door. He had considered bringing her flowers, but this wasn't a 'date' and he didn't want to rush things. So he just met her, and drove her downtown.

The concert was wonderful, and they both enjoyed it immensely. Instead of fighting the traffic, Matt suggested that they go to the coffee house down the street. Jessica accepted the offer, and soon they were sipping cappuccinos and talking some more.

Matt was just floating. Here he was with the girl of his dreams. The more he spent time with her, the more he was sure he loved her. His heart pounded. He wanted her so much! He had to make sure he did the right things to keep going in the right direction.

So when he took her home, he didn't ask to go in. He just saw her to the door, and said goodnight.

* * *

Matt called her on the phone a few evenings a week from then on. Sometimes, she would call him. He decided that the time was right now, he would make his move. He asked her on a Friday to come over for dinner, to try out the new grill he had just bought. He was going to make grilled swordfish and portabelo mushrooms. She accepted his offer, so he got everything ready.

When Jessica showed up at the door, Matt's house was clean an spotless. He had classical music playing on the stereo. Candles burning on the table. A bottle of white wine on ice, with two glasses at the ready. He poured the wine, and they talked as he grilled dinner.

After they ate, he had ice cream and fresh blueberries for dessert. Then they sat on the couch, finishing off the last of the wine.

"Jessica, I wanted to tell you something" he said.

"Sure Matt, what is it?"

"Well, this is hard for me to say..." he started, using his well rehearsed 'shy guy' routine. "..but since we've been spending more time together lately, I've really enjoyed it."

"Me too" she said.

"I've found myself thinking of you more and more. I really think I feel something for you inside. I guess what I'm trying to say is....I'd like to start dating you."

Jessica was silent for a moment. This wasn't good. Matt expected her to reply in kind. But instead, she laid a bombshell on him.

"Matt, this is a delicate subject for me. I consider you a good friend, so I will tell you something that nobody else at the office knows. Do you promise not to tell?"

"Of course, I'd never betray a confidence to a friend" he said.

"You see, ever since I was a little girl, I've never been interested in boys. I remember growing up that I was more of a 'tomboy' than a girly girl. Oh I'd wear a dress for special occasions and things, but I was more at home playing baseball and football with the boys."

"I was more of a boy than a girl in that way. I hung out with the boys, and did what they did. But when I got a little older, that changed. I remember one day we were playing football, and suddenly, nobody wanted to tackle me. I asked them whey not, and they said it was because they didn't want to hurt a girl. That was when they stopped looking at me the same way. Their hormones kicked in, and I was no longer a playmate, I was 'a girl'. I hated it."

"Then my body was changing too. I hated when my boobs started to grow. Now they're big, but back then I used to wrap a cloth around myself to try to hide them. I didn't want to turn into a woman! I tried to fight it, but it was no use. And when I had to dress up in frilly things, I hated it too. I hated being feminzed like that. I hated having to wear a bra. It was terrible, and I hated my body."

"I remember as a senior in high school. I was on the swim team. After class, we would change into our swimsuits in the locker room. I remember one day looking at Wendy, who was undressing across from me, and just staring at her. It excited me to see her naked! After we showered, as she put on her bra and her skirt, I was getting wet from watching her. I was sorry we never got together. I had a crush on her, and I was falling in love."

Matt was too stunned to say anything in reply.

"When I was in college, almost by accident I had an experience with another girl. We were in the laundry room together, and bumped into each other. As we brushed each other's bodies, something happened. She put her hand on my cheek. I put my arm around her. We kissed. It was heaven! I knew then why I had never fallen in love with a guy. I was a lesbian. I only wanted girls."

"Tammy and me were together for two years, and since I graduated, I've had a few girlfriends. You met Jenny at your party. She broke up with me, so that's why I've had more free time lately. I've spent it with you, and you are a wonderful friend, but you just wouldn't work out as a date. You're not a girl. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, but I want you to understand how *I* really feel inside."

Matt cleared his throat, and finally spoke. He wasn't going to give up! He couldn't. This was his dream girl, and nothing would stop him.

"Jessica, what a touching story. I would never have guessed that about you. I'm so glad you trust me enough to share something like that with me. But you see, I also want to share something with you. I am in love with you, with all my heart. I dream of you every night. Please, give me a chance. Maybe things will be different this time. Maybe you can find it in your heart to love a man."

Jessica shook her head.

"No Matt, it can't be. Look at it this way: how would *you* like going on a date with a guy?"

"I'd hate it!" he said. He wasn't a....

"Or what about kissing a guy? How would that make you feel?"

"Gross! I wouldn't do that!"

"How about having a guy stick his manhood into you? Or you sucking it?"

"Never!" he said, mad now. What the hell was she talking about?

"You see, that's how I feel too. Try to feel some empathy here. When you ask me to go on a date with you, imagine how you'd feel if Robert from the office asked you out."

"You really feel that way?" said Matt sadly. His dream was dying. His heart was breaking.

"Yes, I do. I'm sorry. You're a nice person, and if you were a girl, things might be different. But you're not, so it just won't ever work for me. I'm so sorry. I think that I had better go now."

She left as he just stared at her, crushed.

For the first time since he was a child, Matt cried. He cried himself to sleep that night too.

* * *

Jessica felt bad about the whole thing. She had tried her best not to lead him on, or give him ideas. Perhaps she had let him get too close. Maybe she shouldn't have accepted any of his invitations. She felt so bad about it. She could tell he was heartbroken, and she wished she could have broken it to him nicer. But it was the truth. It was his own fault for thinking something was possible when in fact it wasn't. She doubted that she'd ever allow another guy to get that close to her.

* * *

It was Sunday, two days later, and Jessica still felt terrible about the disaster on Friday night. She wondered if she should call him to console him, but decided against it. She hated making him feel bad, but didn't want to make the first move. Especially not one that he might misinterpret as interest in him.

After doing housework, she we reading 'The Nanny Dairies' and drinking a bottle of wine, when a knock came at the door. She put in the bookmark, put down the book, and went to the double locked door. She wasn't expecting anyone, and hoped it wouldn't be Matt. She couldn't take that. She peeked through hole, and was relieved to see that it was some girl. She had her back to the door, looking nervously at her car. Jessica didn't recognize her, but she opened the dead bolt and the chain.

"Hello, can I help you?" she said.

"Hi Jessica, can I come in?" said the girl. Jessica looked at her face, and was suddenly shocked when she recognized her. It was Matt.

"Matt, what the hell are you doing?"

"Please, call me Mary" he said.

"All right 'Mary' " she said angrily, "what he hell are you doing?"

"I'm doing what it takes to be with you. If you'll only date me if I'm a girl, then that's what I'm going to have to do. I'll be a girl if that means I get to be with you."

"You're not a girl! You're a guy in a dress with a wig on."

"No! I'm a girl. Your girl."

"Matt or Mary or whoever you are, you don't want to do this. Not for me. Find someone else."

"There is nobody else. You are the one. I cried for a whole day, and couldn't eat or sleep. I realized that this is what I had to do. I've made up my mind. I'm a girl now, for you."

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