For the next few days, what followed for Fergus was a bombardment of constant texts, both in and out of work. There was no small talk, no questions about his personal life, nothing that wasn’t related to Karen’s professional needs. He would get woke up at six in the morning, not by his usual alarm clock, but by that now-dreaded cheap mobile phone that he now had near his person at all times. He had gotten to know that repetitive, deadpan Bzzzzz noise, that forewarned him of his bosses latest message. From “I need you to print these out”, to “Please remind the team of these goals”, Fergus had found himself as the new ears, eyes and mouth of a faceless woman.

His old co-workers reacted to this with a mixture of amusement and sympathy. Fergus was generally liked in a vague “Yeah he’s ok” kind of way, and he was certainly more popular in his new role than Wade had been. But he was still the butt of a lot of jokes now.

“Hah, never thought I’d see you on your hands and knees for someone who has neither.” Joked Sam one day, catching Fergus as he managed to escape to the water cooler for a moment.

“Personally Sam I find that in very bad taste. I could have you reported you know.” Replied Fergus, who had removed his suit jacket to reveal a baby blue undershirt. “Think the boss would like that?”

“She’d probably fire me.” shrugged Sam. “But you’re too nice to do that to poor little me.”

“You’re like 6’7”

“I stand by my statement-look out, she’s behind you!” Fergus whirled round, then frowned as he heard his friend double over, in tears of laughter.

“Hahahaha! Yeah man she was just floating past you, I swear…”

“Eat me.” At that point, his phone buzzed. Fergus read the message. “Oh well, back at it. If this story spread I’m feeding you through the paper shredder.”

“Hahaha.”

Karen was waiting for him in her new chair, which had arrived in the morning. It was a large, cushioned number with absolutely no handrails for obvious reasons. Fergus was now expected to make some sort of physical contact with Karen when he was present, to let her know that he was actually there. Basically he was giving the signal for his own abuse, which he found quietly funny. He squeezed her shoulder gently, and a few seconds later she texted him.

Status update please.

“The emails have all been sent, staff seem to be working productively, moral good. Two new emails in the last hour.”

“Seem” to be? They either are productive or they aren’t. I need a better answer than that.

“I’ll make another check.”

The torso’s chest seemed to inflate, and then a gust of breath came out of Karen’s throat hole. The phone buzzed again.

Fine. Now, let’s attend to those emails.

She would text him her intended replies, a few sentences at a time, while he typed them into the computer. He didn’t know why she couldn’t just use her Wi-Fi to connect to the computer directly. Frankly he was afraid to ask, so he diligently transcribed all of her commands for her. It was a slow process. Boring as well. Once or twice he had texted her things like “So how are you” and been shot down with ruthless efficiency. It was more than just someone being harsh, as though Karen was absolutely determined not to reveal anything of herself to him. That, couple with what could be described as the world’s best poker face, made her a maddening mystery.

Lunch break was something of a blessing, once had had gotten the hang of feeding her. He’d give her soup (at least he never had to worry about choosing the right flavour, what with Karen’s lack of a tongue), followed by a cold drink, with a whole lot of coffee before and after it. It was fun to watch her little body shiver and jiggle as the caffeine hit her. Maybe that was why she was so cranky, he wondered. Too much of that stuff in her system, not way to vent the energy? He’d have to google that. In any case, Karen was usually quiet during these moments despite not really having to chew or anything. Maybe she too enjoyed the silence.

And when the day was over, she would be left in her chair. Apparently she had a dedicated nurse for her home life that came to collect her.

“I could carry you downstairs if you want.” Fergus had offered. This had been rejected.

I’m not going to have you stand around holding me in your arms like a baby!!! Karen had texted back, wiggling furiously. Eva is a professional, just let her do her job.

“Ok” he had text back.

Everyone would be staring. It would be mortifying.

“I get it. It’s fine.”

So he would leave here there, leaving the lights on. Again, Fergus had so many questions for Karen. Where did she live? Did she have family to take care of her too? But he knew his questions would fall on deaf ears, even if the torso had actually had any ears. Like all of the other mysteries about her, Fergus could only speculate. Perhaps one day she’d soften up to him, unlikely as it sounded. Fergus was a patient man with a high tolerance level for people like Karen. All he’d have to do was weather the storm…

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